You, Your Brain,
and Everything Else.
these pages I refer to You, Your Brain, Your Social Brain, Your Sex
Brain, Your Body, and so on as if you had some idea what I was talking
about. You don't.
I made these terms
up all by myself, utilizing my vast English vocabulary - and my modest
gift for Crackpot Theories. Pretty clever - but I neglected to explain
what the fuck I was talking about during the making up process. This
is completely understandable, because explaining things is more work
On the other hand,
it's unfair to you that I run around blithely talking about You without
even bothering to explain who and what You are. I feel very guilty
about that so I am rectifying the situation right here and now. Sort
When you think of
you, you think of yourself as a small, medium-sized, or large discrete
individual human that you cannot get away from no matter how much you
try. You seem to be there when you wake up in the morning and you seem
to be there as you are having trouble falling asleep at night. You are
housed in a body that seems to go with you almost everywhere you do,
you have memories, a personality, a vague sense of identity, an imagination,
an appearance, wishes, hopes, dreams, thoughts, plans, goals, and a
number of bad habits that cling to you no matter how much you try to
diassociate yourself from them.
You have a soul,
that you seem to occasionally misplace, a history, a set of circumstances,
and a number of features and quirks that you didn't ask for and have
no idea where they came from. You have hobbies, preferences, likes and
dislikes, emotions, the ability to engage in actions both surprising
and mundane, reactions, a recurring desire for food, sleep, and sex,
not necessarily in that order, sensations, a television set, a head,
a heart, and a whole bunch of other shit you don't understand. Add it
all up and it's an integrated bundle of You-ness, that try as you might
never becomes Someone Much Better Than You-ness, although that doesn't
stop you from buying lottery tickets.
This is a pretty
damn good explanation of You and I applaud you for coming up with it.
It's not what I am talking about when I talk about You though. When
I talk about You I am talking about your Conscious Brain or your
Executive Brain (except when I'm not talking about those things
at all, but just you. I do that sometimes for no apparent reason.)
Conscious Brain or Executive Brain is the part of you designed to
trick you into thinking you have an identity - a handy thing to
have whether it's real or not. Your Executive Brain is so proud of
its ability to pretend you have an identity that it spends a great
deal of time trying to convince you that it is really You and that
nothing else matters - that you are your conscious identity, your
executive will, your intangible You-ness, some organizing consciousness
that supercedes all the random tangible events of your life and creates
something uniquely You out of what would otherwise be a completely
disorganized mess of sensation and event. It's the thing that feels
It's your Executive
Brain that makes you think you are an integrated bundle of You-ness
when in fact you are a sprawling, brawling, infighting, backbiting
muddle of individual parts grudgingly, faithfully, and determinedly
doing their best to further the common enterprise of keeping your
ass alive even though it's frequently a difficult and unrewarding
endeavor. And even though your Executive Brain is a congenital liar
and like every other part of you will do anything to help you survive,
fair or not, we are very impressed by its abilities here at prettyfedup.com
and so when we refer to You that's what we are talking about. We call
everything else something else - like your Social Brain, your Sex
Brain, Your Insecurity Module, and so on.
To recap: You
= your Executive Brain, your conscious identity. you = your Executive
Brain, plus all the other sprawling, brawling individual parts your
Executive Brain doesn't like to give any credit.
lying Executive Brain unmasked!
Brain isn't really you - it's actually just the CEO of a very large
corporation. At birth, You were unexpectedly thrust into the role
of CEO of a very large corporation You were not only completely unfamiliar
with but immediately expected to make function and even profitable.
No wonder you spent much of your infancy crying. Fingers, toes,
digestive organs, eyes, ears, brain, face, somehow or another You
were expected to figure out how to work all of these things and steer
them toward the common enterprise of not getting your ass dead. Eating,
breathing, burping, seeing, moving - You were expected to make sense
of all of these things and figure out how to make them useful. The
task was so overwhelming, You immediately wanted to go to sleep. In
fact, You did your best for several months to spend as little time
as possible awake.
You are still
the CEO of that same large corporation and although you have considerably
improved in Your ability to get the hang of it, You are still just
the CEO. Just like a CEO, You oversee a large number of departments
whose functioning You don't understand at all. Think about it
- CEOs, they make strategic decisions, engage in long-range planning,
yell at people, spout bullshit for the press and public, soothe the
shareholders, yell at people some more, provide a vision, make lots
of money, get big bonuses, skim corporation profits, have heart attacks,
manage vast operations, try to turn things around, get fired, and
so on - but they don't actually know jack shit about making
the office coffee, working the copier, shipping the product, understanding
the filing system, balancing the books, calling the customers or anything
else that makes the business go. They don't actually know how to
do anything and are utterly dependent on the people they yell at.
This is You.
You don't actually
know how Your kidneys work. If Your kidneys went on strike and
announced they were sick and fucking tired of filtering waste products,
would You be able to do their job for them? Hah! You know jack
shit about being a kidney. Your eyes. Do You know how to see? If they
were short-handed and needed some extra cones and rods would You be
able to fill in? Hah! You know jack shit about being photo-sensitive.
Emotions. If Your emotional system went down, would You know what
neurotransmitters and chemicals needed to shipped into the system
to bring it back up? Hah! You only know what an emotion feels like
not how it works. Your spleen. If Your spleen started goofing off
on the job, would You even know what a spleen is? I wouldn't - and
neither would You.
No, You would
do what every other CEO would do - You'd bring in high-priced consultants
to explain to You how Your business works and how it can be improved.
You'd pay big bucks to bring in the doctors, because You know jack
shit. You're just a CEO. All the rest of you does the real
work - day in, day out. You're not a worker, You're an executive.
You can yell at people but You can't do their jobs.
This is why
You can yell at yourself and still you won't do what You tell you
to. This is why You can experience inner conflict wherein You
are of one opinion and yet major parts of you seem to be of an entirely
different opinion. This is why you frequently don't make any sense
to You. This is why You have to get to know yourself by trial and
error. You are not the whole kit and caboodle, you are not even hot
shit because You're the CEO - You're just the CEO.
As the CEO, You
can give yourself direction, and You should, but the rest of you will
be the ones to carry it out. You can supervise things, and get reports,
and make strategic decisions, and provide vision and guidance and
support and motivation and encouragement and incentives and play politics
and do all the other fun things CEOs get to do. It's fairly exciting
being the CEO of a major corporation made up of billions and billions
of individual worker cells, some of whom are unionized while some
Just like a regular
CEO, you oversee a vast worker army of slackers and eager beavers,
backstabbers, and loyalists, ambitious climbers, and conscientious
stalwarts. There are the cheerleaders and morale builders, and the
grumpy clock-watchers and office weirdoes. There is politicking and
office liaisons, and bitter infighting, disagreements, memos, lots
of middle management, as well as line workers, and workers nobody
is sure what they really do.
While You are
busy being CEO and presenting a public face, all your workers
are busy talking behind your back, supporting You, rooting for You,
anxiously watching Your effect on their stock price, second-guessing
You, manipulating You, lying to You, being intimidated by You, cozying
up to You, snitching on each other to You, presenting reports to You,
making pitches to You, trying to impress You, angling for raises from
You, bitching about their direct supervisors to You, arguing with
each other, worrying about their job security, jostling for position,
wishing they could quit, working their butts off for You, considering
alternatives, making millions and millions of day-in, day-out decisions
for You, fucking things up for You, saving Your ass, and generally
doing everything You would expect workers in a large corporation to
do. They are doing Your filing, and Your cleaning, and Your shipping,
and Your transport, and Your accounting, and gathering information
Once You understand
all the rest of the you that is not your Executive Brain, you will
start to make a lot more sense to You. You will become aware and
informed management, gaining the respect and adulation of Your
employees as they work feverishly on Your behalf. You will manipulate
and motivate yourself, guide and inspire yourself, work with yourself
for maximum value, impress your stockholders, and gain the loyalty
and respect of yourself even when the chips are down and you would
otherwise be calling for Your own ouster. It's worth getting yourself
on Your side, because you never know when your Executive Brain may
sorely need some assistance from the grunt workers.
- goddamn it's a lot more fun and handy to think of yourself as a
sprawling, loosely organized mass of individual parts with differing
personalities and agendas than it is to think of yourself as just
an integrated bundle concocted by your boring old Executive Brain.
In reality, goddamn you are complicated!
You are exciting,
you are dramatic, you are multi-faceted, you are mysterious, you have
hidden talents, furious rivalries, amazing capacities, special abilities,
mood-swinging chemicals, desperate battles, life-or-death conflicts,
high-stakes dilemmas, miracles of cooperation, unexpected successes,
heart-wrenching defeats, gut-twisting encounters with danger, narrow
escapes, high-level strategy, massive battles, touching moments of
bonding, inspiring loyalty, admirable fortitude, corrosive worries,
sheer courage, jaw-dropping ingenuity and much more. Give yourself
some credit! You are way more than an Executive Brain, and all
the rest of you is often much more interesting. If You knew half the
work that goes into maintaining you, You'd stop bitching at yourself
all the time and indulge in some serious worker gratitude and maybe
even a bonus or two. Think of yourself as consisting of lots of different
little parts, give the parts some interest and attention, and Your
enjoyment of life will go way the fuck up. Your Executive Brain is
an executive! What does it know about having fun? Send your
Executive Brain out to spend some time with the workers and learn
how life is really lived.
your Management Team!
oh goody! My Management Team....
Content, Unrelated Observations and Random Fucking Links:
From the ever-popular Dumping series: What
to Do When She Cries....
To Meet Girls
does time go so slowly when you're bored?
are people so stupid??
Fucked Up Are You? A Handy Interactive Quiz
do Asshole Guys Get All the Chicks?
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