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What's my Social Inhibition Mechanism?

Good question. Your Social Inhibition Mechanism is a component of your Social Brain. Its function is to keep you from doing things you might otherwise enjoy, such as killing your boss.

It's located in the....well I forget where it's located, but probably in the frontal lobes or somewhere like that. Somewhere close to the front of your head, probably up a little from your eyes and behind your forehead - where it can keep a good, suspicious watch on you.

The Social Inhibition Mechanism is the 'Don't Fucking Do That!' mechanism, particularly as it applies to items involving Other People as in 'Don't Fucking Do That, It's Gonna Piss Other People Off, You Fool!'

The Social Inhibition Mechanism is universal in function but it is adaptable to whatever particular culture of Other People you happen to find yourself in.

It works like this: You are born, and your brain is aware of this. And it says to you - 'Listen up, buddy, you are a human being and that means you are going to be born in a nest of Other People. These Other People, strange as they are, are really fucking important. So when you do something that pisses them off, or appears to break the rules, or really really hurts their feelings or makes them all act as if they are really fucking uncomfortable - then Don't Fucking Do That Anymore. And keep a close watch on Other People and if some of them do things that piss people off, or seem to go against the rules or make everybody else all hurt and shit or really fucking weird and uncomfortable - then don't do that! Whatever the fuck it was those unfortunate idiots did -don't do it! Mock them, harrass them, make fun of them, tease them, make them generally miserable, whatever you fucking have to do to distinguish yourself from the poor idiot who fucked up and got in trouble - but don't fucking be like them! Got it? No matter how fucking stupid or strange or trivial or sensible or what have you the damn thing is that gets you into trouble with Other People - don't fucking do it.

And your brain says this because it doesn't want Other People to kill you - which it knows they're gonna want to do after a certain period of time with you - because you're human and so are they. So it wants you to tamp down many of your natural impulses so that you can get along with Other People in big clumps known as societies and generally mitigate the reality that it's only natural for them to fucking hate you because you're just as human as they are - and that gets on everybody's nerves.

Your brain doesn't know what kind of idiotic rules the culture you're born into is going to come up with - but it knows there are going to be some and so it has installed this Follow Them nodule above your eyes and behind your forehead. Because no clump of human beings can stand to be around each other for very long without a list of Don't Fucking Do That! rules. And if you don't listen to your Social Inhibition Mechanism - if you fuck up, your Social Inhibition Mechanism will try to explain the situation more thoroughly to you by subjecting you to Fear, Embarrassment, Insecurity, and the occasional dose of Panic.

This mechanism is versatile - it's the one responsible for you figuring out that 'Fuck!' is a swear word, for example. Because all cultures come up with forbidden words and phrases so that people will be able to tell when they are breaking the rules and feeling or expressing something Socially Unacceptable. Swear words are convenient that way!

As a highly informative and diverting side note - this is why people with Tourette's Syndrome sometimes shout out swear words at inopportune moments as a symptom of the disease. Tourette's Syndrome is partly a glitch in the functions of the brain responsible for processing the Social Inhibition Mechanism. It's not really fun to have your Social Brain fucked with as part of a disease so let's all take a moment to feel humbly sympathetic with people who have Tourette's Syndrome.

Okay, we've done that - now let's shout some swear words back at the Tourette's people really really loudly, just to give our Social Brains a little heart attack! Ah, the Social Brain loves a good practical joke on itself every now and then.....

Since the Social Inhibition Mechanism is tangible - it's a real physiological process and dependent on physical things like neurons and neurotransmitters and proteins and blood supply and so on - it can work better or worse depending on the physical configuration of your particular brain and what it has to fucking deal with.

And since this is the pretty fucked up website - let's look at some really horrible things that can go wrong with your Social Inhibition Mechanism. Because things going wrong is what we specialize in here.

Some people's Social Inhibition Mechanisms are all messed up. They barely fucking work at all. You have probably met some people whose Social Inhibition Mechanisms seem to fall down on the job on a pretty regular basis. They are always saying and doing things that make you think to yourself - 'Jesus!' They put their feet in their mouth, they don't follow the rules, they don't pick up on social nuances, they act weird, and they make you want to say - 'Don't Fucking Do That! Jesus, what is your problem!' And so on.

Sometimes the problem with these people is simply that the rest of their brain is very very loud and their Social Inhibition Mechanism can't shout loud enough over the din for these people to hear it and respond appropriately. Sometimes their Social Brain processing centers never got themselves very organized and so they run around like chickens with their heads cut off, putting out fires, which makes it hard for the Social Inhibition Mechanism to do its job. Sometimes the problem is that in the race between the Selfish Brain's desire to do something fun but inappropriate and the Social Inhibition Mechanism's race to grab that little impulse by the pants and drag it back inside you before it can get out - their Selfish Brain usually wins. It's a complex system and lots of things can get kind of out of whack.

People whose Social Inhibition Mechanisms are really really messed up often find themselves becoming criminals and particularly becoming unsuccessful criminals. Because their Social Brains and their Social Inhibitions Mechanisms are impaired or damaged or out to lunch or having a meltdown and don't take very good care of them.

When the Social Inhibition Mechanism should be watching these people suspiciously and saying 'I hope you don't think you are going to steal those potato chips from this 7-11 joker, because that's exactly the kind of low-reward high-risk foolish fucking behavior that will get you in trouble with Other People' - instead it is freaking out and racing around their heads screaming 'I don't know what to fucking do! Oh my god, I'm all messed up!' This is unfortunate for everyone, particularly the stupid low-life that is trying to cram a 24 oz bag of Doritos down his pants.

Lots of little biochemical and other things can make the Social Inhibition Mechanism glitch out - but at the moment nobody knows exactly what they are. Or exactly how to unglitch this kind of glitched Social Inhibition Mechanism. So....until they do, say to yourself in a very impressed tone of voice - 'God, I am so glad my Social Inhibition Mechanism is not all glitched out and I am not the kind of idiot low-life who is going to spend his whole life in prison because he robbed a bunch of 7-11s and didn't do it very well.' That is, if you're not an idiot low-life.....

Special Bonus Tip: A fun activity for your Social Inhibition Mechanism is to watch shows like Dateline and Cops and Justice Files and so on when they feature idiot low-lifes with broken Social Inhibition Mechanisms committing horrible and stupid crimes. Your Social Inhibition Mechanism finds this sort of thing very compelling. It reminds it of the horror it is protecting you from and shores up its sense of importance and gravity.

So why not spend a special bonding evening with your Social Inhibition Mechanism soaking in some lurid and stupid crime and relaxing in front of the cozy glow of a television screen? Don't overdo it, or your Social Inhbition Mechanism will develop Failure to Be Impressed Syndrome and not only is that not entertaining, it's not really good for it - but some quality time together enjoying an occasional true-crime treat can provide satisfying and low-cost brain fun!

Some people's Social Inhibition Mechanisms are overactive. This can lead to things like Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia or whatever the hell they call it these days. That thing where you are just so fucking crippled by your Social Inhibition Mechanism that you can barely fucking do anything - particularly leave your house and deal with Other People. Your Social Inhibition Mechanism seizes up and won't let go - it won't let you talk, it won't let you think, and it overdoses you with its natural forms of communication - Fear, Embarrassment, Anxiety, Insecurity, and Panic.

This usually happens because the little physiological messengers your body uses to tell your Social Inhibition Mechanism to shut the fuck up and take a chill pill aren't working very well or have been depleted or what have you. And sometimes it happens because the configuration of your brain has adapted to some incredible weirdness in your environment or Other People and the configuration has ended up goosing up your Social Inhibition Mechanism to unbearable levels. This is not fun for people who have to endure this. A moderately active Social Inhibition Mechanism is enough of a pain in the ass, even though the little sucker is helpful. But a really really overactive one is just torture.

When the Social Inhibition Mechanism glitches in this direction, the natural tendency is to get Really Fucked Up about it. Although this is a perfectly logical way to handle an overactive Social Inhibition Mechanism, you might want to consider the alternative of getting it fixed. Since this is a physiological problem, your Social Inhibition Mechanism can often be persuaded to calm the fuck down a bit through some physiological intervention. This is usually done with medication and re-training your brain into another configuration. Since your brain naturally wants to spend its whole life reconfiguring itself for maximum performance, why not take it into the shop if it has this problem and get it all tuned up to the specs you want. The shop in this case usually being a doctor and a therapist if you can find a halfway decent one.

Okay, enough for the extreme ends of the spectrum - what about horrible Social Inhibition problems for the rest of us pretty normal Pretty Fucked Up folks?


Oh goody! More horrible problems for the rest of us....


How to dump your girlfriend!

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