the pretty fucked up website

The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

Horrible Alien Freaks....

Remember to Skip...

Disadvantage b) Other People's Psychotic Breakdowns Can Be Scary!

This is obvious so we won't belabor the point. I don't know what your actual chances of dumping an Obsessive Psycho Stalker or a Fatal Attraction-type Person are but it does happen. Let's just hope it doesn't happen to you.


Even when the person you are dumping is not ordinarily psychotic, getting dumped by someone who doesn't even acknowledge their existence usually leads to a certain amount of temporary psychosis in anyone. It makes people feel invisible. It also often leads them to wonder if you didn't have human feelings for them because they aren't actually human. And maybe everyone else who treats them like they are human is just pretending and they are actually all alone in this world as a horrible alien freak that everyone hates and plots against, precisely so they will have this kind of horrible dumping experience, which undoubtedly will be repeated over and over again throughout their horrible miserable alien freak lifetime.

This kind of subconscious thinking tends to upset people.

Often it leads to a sudden outbreak of panic. And this is all fairly natural. Most people have a little evolutionary nodule in their brain stem that functions as a 'I'm Invisible and People Aren't Going to Acknowledge Me as Human Because I'm a Horrible Alien Freak!' receptor site.

This is because being treated as a human being with human feelings by Other People is actually a fairly fragile state of affairs. The fragile web of decency we all prefer is often broken by prejudice, ignorance, stupidity, malice, meanness, and the general tendency of human societies to pick on some people really really really badly. People routinely get turned into slaves, and gladiators, and are made to wear burkas, or get burned at the stake as witches, or get classified as untouchables or get lynched and so on, all by Other People. They get beaten to death for who they sleep with, or what they wear, or their hair, their religion, their skin color, and sometimes just because. And all of this in spite of the fact that all of the Other People we human beings have slaughtered and tortured to death over the years, have in fact been human people with human feelings and not the Horrible Alien Freaks we have treated them like. Our mistake. Their misfortune.

Now, the person you have dumped may not know much about history but their evolutionary brain stem does and it knows for goddamn sure that being treated like you are invisible and have no human feelings is a very very bad sign. And the brain stem doesn't like it one bit. So it tends to freak.

Now some people won't panic very much at your atrocious behavior because they will quickly realize that you are, after all, a little shit and what you think isn't important. Of course the people who are most likely to panic and get really really weird are the ones you are most likely to want to use this dumping technique on because they are in fact the ones who do most resemble horrible alien freaks. Which is why we are again going to hope the Fatal Attraction type scenario doesn't happen to you and we are also going to take this opportunity to gently suggest that you don't sleep with people who resemble horrible alien freaks. Just a thought.

The best outcome you can hope for, and after all why not hope for it, is that the person you slept with who resembles a horrible alien freak didn't like you either. In which case they will be just as glad not to hear from your sorry ass ever again. This happens. And when it does, you can heave a hearty sigh of relief.

If, however, the person you are dumping isn't usually treated like a horrible alien freak, they will often try to resist being treated like one now, as well as the inevitable implication that they actually are one. This will make them call you up and try to figure out what's going on. This is often followed by flattery, begging, apologies or other attempts to force you to admit they are not an alien freak by pretending to be nice to you.

When this doesn't work, they will need to express pain and frustration in their unanswered messages as they fight off the horrible and growing spectre of alien freakness. Next, they will need to express anger and hatred as the battle against alien freakness intensifies. Then they will need to move into contempt, disgust and dismissal as they classify you as a little shit and thereby vanquish the implication that there's something wrong with them instead of you.

During this stage, they will often want to explain to you exactly why you are a little shit who means nothing to anyone. Sometimes this is accompanied by a lengthy explanation of why they themselves are a Good Person and a listing of many reasons why they are not an alien freak. This is the natural and inevitable I Know You Dumped Me but I'm Not a Goddamn Horrible Alien Freak Cycle.

In this case, because you dumped them in a brutal way, they will have to do all of this without actually being able to get ahold of you. If they are unable to express these feelings on your answering machine, in your email, or by letter, rest assured they are expressing them to someone else.

All of this will be somewhat scary to you or should be, because Other People's pain and rage is supposed to be scary and make you feel bad. It is often a little frightening as well to get a look inside someone else's horribly insecure and apparently psychotic mind. Which is what will happen because the poor person you have dumped is forced by your silence and avoidance to engage in a lengthy and bitter conversation with themselves which they are going to want to force you to overhear.

Now, your goal while you are being alarmed and feeling bad about the Other Person's I'm Not A Horrible Alien Freak Cycle is to root for the cycle to come to a successful conclusion in which they develop contempt for you. It's somewhat against your interests to root for Other People to have contempt for you, which is another reason why you shouldn't use this Dumping Technique too often, but it will be your natural self-preservative instinct.

Contempt and dismissal are what's going to make them go away and stop trying to get in touch with you and babble about closure and so on. Again, do this too often and you will truly begin to believe that you deserve Other People's contempt and then you will have to pretend you don't care about that although really you do and you will be Pretty Fucked Up once again. But in the meantime, when you are listening to an answering machine message from the person you dumped who is having a Psychotic Breakdown (because you can't help listening, now can you?), you should chant 'hate me, despise me, dismiss me, and go away.' 'Hate me, despise me, dismiss me, and go away.' When their messages take steps in this direction silently praise them - 'ah thank God, sounds like you are moving toward contempt and dismissal and soon I will be free, free, free. Thank you god.' Do this until they are gone.

Okay, very good. Congratulations! You have survived the very dangerous dumping by avoidance experience. You rock! Now, remind yourself of what a harrowing experience that was and promise yourself you'll never do that again.

Now that we have convinced you to avoid Option #1, let's move on to Option #2.

Option #2: Dumping By Talking.

This is the one you were anticipating and dreading, right? Because you could figure out avoidance all on your own, but talking, now that seems complicated. Of course, it is and it isn't. But here at we are going to make it seem so complicated that by the time you are finished reading all the instructions, the actual dumping process will be a comparative breeze.

Don't worry, you will complete your first major Dumping Someone exercise with both confidence and style and a miminum of fuss and pain. That is because we are going to put you through all the fuss and pain before you actually have to deal with Other Person you are going to dump. This is very handy for avoiding embarrassment, panic, and miscues. So strap on your seatbelt and let's go.

First, we are going to have you blow off a little steam and get rid of some nervousness by engaging in Fantasy Exercise No. 1.

Fantasy Exercise No. 1: Think of some really really horrible things to say to someone you are breaking up with and pretend you are saying them.

Like this: Imagine placing a large banner in your living room that says "I don't love you and I never want to see you again!" Or taking the Other Person to a restaurant and loudly announcing 'Someone in this room may like you but it sure isn't me!' Or 'You may have thought I cared about you, but boy were you ever wrong!' And so on.

The point of this exercise is that on some level when you dump someone you are going to feel like you are saying something really really horrible to them even if that's not exactly what you want to do. Or even if it is exactly what you want to do. And that's going to make you feel bad and you're going to want to repress it, and repressing it is going to make you nervous. So we want to flush these horrible things from your system first.

What we want to avoid here is the accidental Really Horrible Things Saying experience or the Vicious Ugly Breakup. Because these things really do happen. You think you are going to have a Civilized Break-up and all of a sudden the two of you are hurling Vicious Accusations at each other and someone is crying and sobbing in a public place and people are getting hurt and one of them is you.

You don't want these things to come leaping out of your mouth when you're not prepared for the consequences. So say them beforehand until you are done saying them. Make them extreme, so every last Horrible Saying impulse is flushed out. If you make them extreme enough you will get to actually hear them and realize they're not all true. This will save you a lot of time and trauma down the road because otherwise part of you is going to believe they really are true.

This has to do with the Horrible Alien Freak theory. On some level, you know the implication of a break-up is that you are saying the Other Person is a horrible alien freak and of course you don't want to deal with the consequences of that and the 'I Know You Dumped Me, But I'm Not a Goddamn Alien Freak' Cycle. You can't avoid this entirely, but you can be prepared and be clear in your own mind about how much You Are A Horrible Alien Freak accusation actually underlies your Dumping Impulse. And then plan accordingly.

If you'd like to make things more complicated for yourself and delay actually having to confront the person a while longer, feel free to analyze your situation and place it into one of these four categories:

Category No. 1: You don't love them and they don't love you. (You lucky bastard, this is the easiest breakup.)

Category No. 2: You don't love them and they do love you. (This is what you secretly believe and why you are dreading things so much and fearing the I'm Not a Goddamn Alien Freak Cycle.)

Category No. 3: You do love them and they don't love you. (This is the self-preservation break-up and it's hard.)

Category No. 4: You do love them and they love you but for some stupid reason you think you have to break up. Special category. This includes things like you think they aren't the right religion or whatever. I can't really do anything about the fact that you want to walk away from love when millions of people all over the world are desperate to find it, but you can still use the techniques.

If you're in Category No. 2, you're going to want to flush out phrases like 'You're a Horrible Alien Freak!' And if it's No. 3, you're going to want to flush out phrases like 'You've always treated me like shit!' And so on. Just keep thinking of all the horrible things that are in the back of your mind and say them out loud to yourself. Or silently to yourself. It's not like I care. Just get rid of all the stuff you are afraid the Other Person is going to think or feel or say or that You might think or feel or say. Have fun with them. Make them extreme. The point here is not to freak yourself out by thinking all these things are going to happen and are real, the point is to push them all the way into outrageous fantasy-land where they can't hurt you. Absurdity. Over the topness. Vicious Accusations. All the terrible, fun, wonderful things you'd say if you didn't have to be a responsible person and you could say anything you wanted to. Remember to say them loudly to yourself so you can hear them. Wear yourself out.

Okay, five minute break while you say some incredibly socially irresponsible terrible things and get away with it. You clever bastard you!


on the next page we get down to actual work (as if you weren't tired enough already)....

Now! As a special bonus is proud to offer the companion FAQ to the very popular Dumping Series: Should I, in fact, dump my girlfriend at all?

Dumping Table of Contents:

Option #1:Dumping by Avoidance

Disadvantages of Option #1:Horrible Alien Freak Cycle

Option #2: Dumping by Talking

Using the Talk Word to Dump Your Girlfriend

Exactly What To Say

What to Do When She Cries

Selecting the Proper Breakup Location

More FAQs For No Apparent Reason:

Why Am I So Socially Inhibited and Why the Fuck Aren't Other People?

Is there hope for boring guys like me?

Why do asshole guys get all the chicks?

Why does time go so slowly when you're bored?

How can I tell how fucked up I am?

What's War Got To Do With It?


The I am Making This Up Disclaimer

The Scientific Disclaimer

The I Don't Know What I Am Talking About Disclaimer

The This is No Substitute for Professional Help Disclaimer

The Don't Sue Me Unless You Really Really Really Want to Disclaimer

The This Site is Not Endorsed by Anyone Disclaimer


Bonus! Your FAQ here

copyright 2003