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The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

The Importance of Being Important....

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Good thing about being fed up and fucked up No. 3:

It makes you feel important. And this is not an inconsiderable advantage in a world where sometimes it is actually really fucking hard to tell whether you are important or not. But in the world of being fed up and fucked up, Fucked Up Shit is important because it is happening to you. And this creates a natural harmony with your body, because from your body's point of view, anything that happens to you is Important. Your body is sworn to protect and defend you and if you are not even Important enough to get fed up and fucked up over, then what fucking purpose does it have in life?

It gets so depressed when it feels unimportant and it mopes around and even the forced perkiness your Social Brain tries to hammer into it (Be upbeat! Nobody likes a sourpuss!) doesn't do much to cheer it up. It gets all sad and so do you although sometimes you can't tell because you are so busy Pretending to be perky and socially adapted and all right that you can't even fucking tell.

When your Social Inhibition Mechanism beats up your pretty fed up and fucked up warrior cells too often, it is sort of like your brain has declared war on your body and you are always battling your own anger and despair and Pretending until eventually you die of cancer and heart attacks and strokes and just plain being fucking tired of life. It is really hard for your body to fight the rest of the world and You at the same time.

Besides, feeling important feels good. It is a special treat and you should indulge in it often by declaring yourself dramatically fed up and fucked up over any Fucked Up Shit worth getting fed up and fucked up over. You're not a slave to fedupness and fuckedupness, or you don't have to be, any more than you have to be a slave to vanilla ice cream. But both sure are fucking good for the soul sometimes. So, if you happen to be in the mood to enjoy life occasionally, you can haul your ass to Baskin-Robbins and get fed up and fucked up over something every once in a while.

It's like exercise for your dog, only in this case, it's for the Feeling Important nodule in your brain. Your dog likes to go outside and yip around and skamper and cause trouble on a regular basis - so does your Feeling Important nodule. Put Mr. Likes to Feel Important on a leash, or take him out to the dog run and let him bark and show off. If your own personal Likes to Feel Important nodule has turned vicious and surly or become lazy and fat and won't even go outside to pee, well then, you've got a problem. And the problem is probably insufficient regular healthy exercise and a lack of ice-cream like treats. To recap after that dizzying display of mixed metaphors: Getting fed up and fucked up are two of the ice cream treats of life.

Good thing about being fed up and fucked up No. 4:

It's to your Maximum Personal Advantage.

What's my Maximum Personal Advantage? And how can I turn being pretty fed up and pretty fucked up toward securing it?

Your Maximum Personal Advantage is a technical and mathematical term correlating to the Least Total Amount of Pain in your life.

Fedupness and fuckedupness are your allies in the struggle toward Least Total Amount of Pain or Maximum Personal Advantage - because fedupness and fuckedupness are special pain-sensitive receptor nodules in your brain designed to tell you - 'hey! something is fucked up and I bet we can do something about it.' Fedupness and fuckedupness activate special Fucked Up Shit destroying mechanisms inside you such as anger, emotion, distress, concern, alarm, etc., all of whom are designed to recognize the existence of pain and to want like hell to make it go away.

And going away is the actual purpose of pain in life - it's why it exists. You may notice this if you have experienced it in the form of a migraine let's say - it runs up to the pain-receiving centers of your central nervous system and starts screaming 'Make me go away! Make me go the fuck away!' Pain's total goal in life is ensure that there is less of it. It gets great satisfaction out of this and rewards you with endorphins and other happy, relieved chemicals when you successfully get rid of it. And your body has about 6,000 billion strategies to take advantage of pain's natural predilection to want to not be there and fedupness and fuckedupness are two major, unsung such strategies.

Both fedupness and fuckedupness can be painful - because they're there to recognize that pain exists somewhere in you, which they can't do if they don't feel it and tell you about it. And then they want to stomp the living shit out of it. Much to everyone's satisfaction. If they do a good job at this - congratulations all around. If they do a lousy job, boos and hisses all around, and time for them to take Effective Pain-Stomping Lessons to improve their skills.

It's like...if there is something in the middle of your living room that's an obstacle, if you don't notice it, you will trip over it every time, fall down, and break your nose. Embarrassing! On the other hand, if you notice it, scream to yourself, what is this shit and kick it out of the way, then you will not fall down and you will proceed through your living room unimpeded. This will cause problems, however, if you are repeatedly kicking things in the direction of your television and breaking the screen.

If, on the other hand, you get really good with your fed up and fucked up centers, your fed up center will notice the obstacle well before you reach it, get fed up, announce 'Obstacle ahead! Potential Fucked Up Shit!', reach down and move it out of the way, deciding firmly to itself that it is not about to have you trip and break your nose in an embarrassing fashion.

And then your fucked up center will say 'This is so fucked up. Why is there always shit in the middle of my living room. This is distressing and inconvenient. I'm not going to put up with this. It's fucked up.' And it will alert your attention centers to locate the source of the Fucked Up Shit, which is probably your kids and their toys, or possibly a stack of your own dirty underwear. Which will then alert your problem-solving center to say - 'The Fucked Up Center has identified a problem in the living room sector. Scan for solutions.' And then it will come up with something, such as 'Do not store toys and/or dirty underwear in middle of living room.' And then it will try to get you to implement a solution in a reasonable and forthright manner. This is just life and you do it all the time.

Where your personal pretty fed up and pretty fucked up centers get off track and all twisted and tangled in their attempts to be helpful is when the solution center can't find something to implement that it likes and it throws up its hands in the air and shouts 'Oh I give the fuck up!' And then when your fed up and fucked up centers try to bring something to its attention it snarls 'oh for christ's sake, will you shut the fuck up! I can't fucking do anything about it anyway, so why don't you just fucking pipe down and go get drunk or something. Leave me the hell alone.' Which your fed up and fucked up centers do, all in a snit, and they quaff stiff and quite frankly unappetizing liqueurs and talk about you behind your back, raising mock, sarcastic toasts to you, just out of earshot - 'here's to mister can't even fucking walk through his own living room without falling over! hear, hear!' and so on.

And this sort of relentless mocking criticism behind your back turns your fucked up and fed up centers against you, and ultimately tears you down and wears you down as a victim of your own personal war which you are losing, making you wonder why sometimes you feel like mister can't even walk through his fucking living room without falling down.

And this is why for Maximum Personal Advantage we are friendly to Mister Fed Up and Mister Fucked Up, so they won't turn against us, and we politely solicit their opinions. And when Mr. Solution Center is grumpy and says it's no use, there is no solution, we remind him that Mr. Fed Up and Fucked Up think there is one or they wouldn't bother to activate themselves.

And we say, Fed Up and Fucked Up I hear you. Mr. Solution Center is discouraged right now, why don't you perk him up with your own brand of fed up and fucked up cheer, light a fire under his ass and help us find a goddamn solution!' Then Mr. Fed Up and Mr. Fucked Up will snap to attention. They are military at heart and they love to be yelled at as if they were recruits or soldiers and they will scream 'Right away, sir!' And get on it, all proud of themselves. And thus we avoid a mutiny and earn Mr. Solution Center's grudging respect.

Special Bonus FAQ!

Is being fed up and fucked up actually preferable to being happy and contented??

Good question. Although, due to the Four Factors enumerated on these 2 pages, being fed up and fucked up are fun in their own right, they're actually just tools and not really intended to be happiness substitutes.

Fedupness and fuckedupness are actually just big, fat loud bulldozers meant to clear the Path to Happiness of unwarranted obstacles. And while everybody loves construction equipment, it is just equipment and not the road itself or the destination or really anything else except big, useful, noisy, fun stuff that can be hard to steer.

Now people get confused about this, and don't know what these bulldozers in their mind are for, so they end up parking them in their backyards to rust, and worrying that they are housing some unsightly vehicles that are decreasing their own personal property values. And they peek out their back windows occasionally, sigh, and say, 'still there, quick don't let the neighbors see.'

And people get confused because, due to the influence of Society, and Other People, and their Social Brains, they can no longer remember whether they are actually even supposed to be on the Path to Happiness and they worry that even if they are, they are probably not supposed to be using big loud bulldozers to clear obstacles because Other People will probably get mad.

And this is legitimate, fair enough, you are supposed to be on the Path to Happiness, but sometimes it is indeed strewn with lots of small delicate obstacles that a bulldozer is not appropriate to deal with, and no, lots of times you probably can't just fucking bulldoze your way over anything and everything that looks like an obstacle on your personal Path to Happiness, unless you want Other People to get really upset at being bulldozed and fantasize about ways to kill you. Sometimes you have to snake and turn and twist and sneak around back Paths to Happiness and you can't be so loud about it. No problem.

This is when your personal Pocket-Sized Bulldozers of Fedupness and Fuckedupness come in handy. Slip them in your backpack unobtrusively on your journey, whip them out at appropriate moments and watch the cute little fuckers move some earth on your behalf. People will be so fucking impressed and enamored of your cute little earth-movers and they will not be so scared by them. They will murmur to themselves, 'What finesse, what style. And so handy. So cute.' And they will want some for themselves. Sometimes when a concept doesn't work so well on the large, noisy scale, it works just fine on the small and handy scale.

To use the military metaphor again, you don't always bring in the nuclear bomb and 10,000 troops, when one well-armed Military Police Officer can say in a calm and authoritative voice 'Trouble here?' and make trouble want to say, 'uh, no, not at all, not me, sir.' And so on.

And this is just part of good training for the warrior cells in your fed up and fucked up troops. Teaching them how to be polite and perky as well as intimidating and well-muscled. Sometimes they can say 'Fucked Up!' in a cheerful voice. And sometimes they can say 'SO GODDAMN FUCKING FUCKED UP!' in a furious and attention-getting voice. They'll get the hang of it once you start training them on a regular basis and giving them a chance to practice their skills whenever you encounter Fucked Up Shit. They'll develop judgment as they get a chance to exercise it. But you knew this already, you had just forgotten how much fun it was to let them play and let off steam and how endearing their personalities could be once they weren't under all that stress from your Social Inhibition Mechanism.

Special Bonus Section!

Special Tips for Getting Along with Mr. Fed Up and Mr. Fucked Up:

Tell me more, tell me more...


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