about being fed up and fucked up No. 3:
It makes you
feel important. And
this is not an inconsiderable advantage in a world where sometimes
it is actually really fucking hard to tell whether you are important
or not. But in the world of being fed up and fucked up, Fucked Up
Shit is important because it is happening to you. And this
creates a natural harmony with your body, because from your body's
point of view, anything that happens to you is Important. Your body
is sworn to protect and defend you and if you are not even Important
enough to get fed up and fucked up over, then what fucking purpose
does it have in life?
It gets so depressed
when it feels unimportant and it mopes around and even the forced
perkiness your Social Brain tries to hammer into it (Be upbeat! Nobody
likes a sourpuss!) doesn't do much to cheer it up. It gets all sad
and so do you although sometimes you can't tell because you are so
busy Pretending to be perky and socially adapted and all right that
you can't even fucking tell.
When your Social
Inhibition Mechanism beats up your pretty fed up and fucked up warrior
cells too often, it is sort of like your brain has declared war on
your body and you are always battling your own anger and despair and
Pretending until eventually you die of cancer and heart attacks and
strokes and just plain being fucking tired of life. It is really hard
for your body to fight the rest of the world and You at the same time.
important feels good. It is a special treat and you should indulge
in it often by declaring yourself dramatically fed up and fucked up
over any Fucked Up Shit worth getting fed up and fucked up over. You're
not a slave to fedupness and fuckedupness, or you don't have to be,
any more than you have to be a slave to vanilla ice cream. But both
sure are fucking good for the soul sometimes. So, if you happen to
be in the mood to enjoy life occasionally, you can haul your ass to
Baskin-Robbins and get fed up and fucked up over something every once
in a while.
It's like exercise
for your dog, only in this case, it's for the Feeling Important nodule
in your brain. Your dog likes to go outside and yip around and skamper
and cause trouble on a regular basis - so does your Feeling Important
nodule. Put Mr. Likes to Feel Important on a leash, or take him out
to the dog run and let him bark and show off. If your own personal
Likes to Feel Important nodule has turned vicious and surly or become
lazy and fat and won't even go outside to pee, well then, you've got
a problem. And the problem is probably insufficient regular healthy
exercise and a lack of ice-cream like treats. To recap after that
dizzying display of mixed metaphors: Getting fed up and fucked
up are two of the ice cream treats of life.
about being fed up and fucked up No. 4:
It's to your
Maximum Personal Advantage.
Maximum Personal Advantage? And how can I turn being pretty fed up
and pretty fucked up toward securing it?
Your Maximum Personal
Advantage is a technical and mathematical term correlating to the
Least Total Amount of Pain in your life.
fuckedupness are your allies in the struggle toward Least Total Amount
of Pain or Maximum Personal Advantage - because fedupness and fuckedupness
are special pain-sensitive receptor nodules in your brain designed
to tell you - 'hey! something is fucked up and I bet we can do
something about it.' Fedupness and fuckedupness activate special
Fucked Up Shit destroying mechanisms inside you such as anger, emotion,
distress, concern, alarm, etc., all of whom are designed to recognize
the existence of pain and to want like hell to make it go away.
And going away
is the actual purpose of pain in life - it's why it exists. You may
notice this if you have experienced it in the form of a migraine let's
say - it runs up to the pain-receiving centers of your central nervous
system and starts screaming 'Make me go away! Make me go the fuck
away!' Pain's total goal in life is ensure that there is less
of it. It gets great satisfaction out of this and rewards you with
endorphins and other happy, relieved chemicals when you successfully
get rid of it. And your body has about 6,000 billion strategies to
take advantage of pain's natural predilection to want to not be there
and fedupness and fuckedupness are two major, unsung such strategies.
and fuckedupness can be painful - because they're there to recognize
that pain exists somewhere in you, which they can't do if they don't
feel it and tell you about it. And then they want to stomp the living
shit out of it. Much to everyone's satisfaction. If they do a good
job at this - congratulations all around. If they do a lousy job,
boos and hisses all around, and time for them to take Effective
Pain-Stomping Lessons to improve their skills.
there is something in the middle of your living room that's an obstacle,
if you don't notice it, you will trip over it every time, fall down,
and break your nose. Embarrassing! On the other hand, if you
notice it, scream to yourself, what is this shit and kick it out of
the way, then you will not fall down and you will proceed through
your living room unimpeded. This will cause problems, however, if
you are repeatedly kicking things in the direction of your television
and breaking the screen.
If, on the other
hand, you get really good with your fed up and fucked up centers,
your fed up center will notice the obstacle well before you reach
it, get fed up, announce 'Obstacle ahead! Potential Fucked Up Shit!',
reach down and move it out of the way, deciding firmly to itself that
it is not about to have you trip and break your nose in an embarrassing
And then your
fucked up center will say 'This is so fucked up. Why is there always
shit in the middle of my living room. This is distressing and inconvenient.
I'm not going to put up with this. It's fucked up.' And it will alert
your attention centers to locate the source of the Fucked Up Shit,
which is probably your kids and their toys, or possibly a stack of
your own dirty underwear. Which will then alert your problem-solving
center to say - 'The Fucked Up Center has identified a problem in
the living room sector. Scan for solutions.' And then it will come
up with something, such as 'Do not store toys and/or dirty underwear
in middle of living room.' And then it will try to get you to implement
a solution in a reasonable and forthright manner. This is just life
and you do it all the time.
personal pretty fed up and pretty fucked up centers get off track
and all twisted and tangled in their attempts to be helpful is when
the solution center can't find something to implement that it likes
and it throws up its hands in the air and shouts 'Oh I give the
fuck up!' And then when your fed up and fucked up centers try
to bring something to its attention it snarls 'oh for christ's sake,
will you shut the fuck up! I can't fucking do anything about it anyway,
so why don't you just fucking pipe down and go get drunk or something.
Leave me the hell alone.' Which your fed up and fucked up centers
do, all in a snit, and they quaff stiff and quite frankly unappetizing
liqueurs and talk about you behind your back, raising mock, sarcastic
toasts to you, just out of earshot - 'here's to mister can't even
fucking walk through his own living room without falling over! hear,
hear!' and so on.
And this sort
of relentless mocking criticism behind your back turns your
fucked up and fed up centers against you, and ultimately tears you
down and wears you down as a victim of your own personal war which
you are losing, making you wonder why sometimes you feel like mister
can't even walk through his fucking living room without falling down.
And this is why
for Maximum Personal Advantage we are friendly to Mister Fed
Up and Mister Fucked Up, so they won't turn against us, and we politely
solicit their opinions. And when Mr. Solution Center is grumpy and
says it's no use, there is no solution, we remind him that Mr. Fed
Up and Fucked Up think there is one or they wouldn't bother to activate
And we say, Fed
Up and Fucked Up I hear you. Mr. Solution Center is discouraged right
now, why don't you perk him up with your own brand of fed up and fucked
up cheer, light a fire under his ass and help us find a goddamn solution!'
Then Mr. Fed Up and Mr. Fucked Up will snap to attention. They are
military at heart and they love to be yelled at as if they were recruits
or soldiers and they will scream 'Right away, sir!' And get on it,
all proud of themselves. And thus we avoid a mutiny and earn Mr. Solution
Center's grudging respect.
fed up and fucked up actually preferable to being happy and contented??
Although, due to the Four Factors enumerated on these 2 pages, being
fed up and fucked up are fun in their own right, they're actually
just tools and not really intended to be happiness substitutes.
fuckedupness are actually just big, fat loud bulldozers meant to clear
the Path to Happiness of unwarranted obstacles. And while everybody
loves construction equipment, it is just equipment and not the road
itself or the destination or really anything else except big, useful,
noisy, fun stuff that can be hard to steer.
Now people get
confused about this, and don't know what these bulldozers in their
mind are for, so they end up parking them in their backyards to rust,
and worrying that they are housing some unsightly vehicles that are
decreasing their own personal property values. And they peek out their
back windows occasionally, sigh, and say, 'still there, quick don't
let the neighbors see.'
And people get
confused because, due to the influence of Society, and Other People,
and their Social Brains, they can no longer remember whether they
are actually even supposed to be on the Path to Happiness and they
worry that even if they are, they are probably not supposed to be
using big loud bulldozers to clear obstacles because Other People
will probably get mad.
And this is legitimate,
fair enough, you are supposed to be on the Path to Happiness, but
sometimes it is indeed strewn with lots of small delicate obstacles
that a bulldozer is not appropriate to deal with, and no, lots of
times you probably can't just fucking bulldoze your way over anything
and everything that looks like an obstacle on your personal Path to
Happiness, unless you want Other People to get really upset at being
bulldozed and fantasize about ways to kill you. Sometimes you have
to snake and turn and twist and sneak around back Paths to Happiness
and you can't be so loud about it. No problem.
This is when your
personal Pocket-Sized Bulldozers of Fedupness and Fuckedupness
come in handy. Slip them in your backpack unobtrusively on your journey,
whip them out at appropriate moments and watch the cute little fuckers
move some earth on your behalf. People will be so fucking impressed
and enamored of your cute little earth-movers and they will not be
so scared by them. They will murmur to themselves, 'What finesse,
what style. And so handy. So cute.' And they will want some for themselves.
Sometimes when a concept doesn't work so well on the large, noisy
scale, it works just fine on the small and handy scale.
To use the military
metaphor again, you don't always bring in the nuclear bomb and 10,000
troops, when one well-armed Military Police Officer can say in a calm
and authoritative voice 'Trouble here?' and make trouble want to say,
'uh, no, not at all, not me, sir.' And so on.
And this is just
part of good training for the warrior cells in your fed up and fucked
up troops. Teaching them how to be polite and perky as well as intimidating
and well-muscled. Sometimes they can say 'Fucked Up!' in a cheerful
voice. And sometimes they can say 'SO GODDAMN FUCKING FUCKED UP!'
in a furious and attention-getting voice. They'll get the hang of
it once you start training them on a regular basis and giving them
a chance to practice their skills whenever you encounter Fucked Up
Shit. They'll develop judgment as they get a chance to exercise it.
But you knew this already, you had just forgotten how much fun it
was to let them play and let off steam and how endearing their personalities
could be once they weren't under all that stress from your Social