What's an Interactive
Quiz without a useless and misleading Personality Profile at the end?
Look below for yours!
ridiculously low scores on the various Unhappiness scales and ridiculously
inflated scores on the on the Happiness ones then you might be:
This happens. Some of you are just inclined to run around all day
feeling excessively cheerful and throwing smiley-faces around and
generally making normal people sick. You don't recognize unhappiness
and pain even when they try to come up and punch you in the nose.
Generally, you don't recognize these things because you just feel
like you are so goddamn wonderful and neat that it doesn't occur to
you that anyone, much less unhappiness and pain, would ever want to
punch you in the nose. If this is the case, you are a lucky sucker,
but boy did you stumble onto the wrong website! Of course you are
welcome to stay, but please don't disturb the natives. No unwarranted
morning perkiness or gratituously cloying smiley-faces, please!
This happens. Sometimes things are just going really great and
there is almost nothing you can do about it, but wonder how it happened
and be very very glad. A couple of tips if you'd like to extend your
stay in Genuine Happiness Land.
No. 1 - Pause occasionally to refresh your Happiness by taking a vigorous
dip in Unhappiness. The human brain is naturally designed to perceive
contrasts and it is the contrast with Unhappiness that gives Happiness
its sparkly pretty pleasant glow. Also there are various parts of
your Brain and Body designed specifically to detect and wage war against
Unhappiness. If they don't have any Unhappiness to fight, they tend
to get lazy and depressed and start trying to spend the whole day
sleeping. When this happens, your Happiness centers don't have anybody
to play with anymore and they get lonely and lose a lot of their pep.
Taking a nice dip in Unhappiness refreshes all your parts and makes
them feel all glowy and alive and new again. This is a super-secret
special tip of the chronically happy.
Because this is
a super-secret special tip, Happy people are not going to go around
telling you about it and when they go on Barbara Walters, they will
skip right over the Unhappiness parts and dwell on the Happy ones.
This is clever on their part, but don't be fooled. Happy people engage
in regular maintenance Unhappiness - they get upset, they cry, they
get scared and disappointed and furious and lonely and depressed and
they frequently think they are going to die when they get a bad cold
(and they milk it for lots of excessive sympathy). They get petty
and resentful and greedy and all the rest of it. They recognize these
things, rush right out to greet them like old friends, throw themselves
into the experience and are done with it.
It's the being
done with it part of course that allows them to rush right out to
greet their Happiness friends as well and to throw themselves into
those experiences and milk them for sparkly fun satisfaction they
can provide. In fact, they throw themselves into every experience
life offers because they actually like being alive. This is
unnatural and weird on the part of Happy people, but it does work.
So if you are temporarily happy and you'd like to stretch the happiness
thing a bit, just to see if you can, remember to treat yourself
to an exhilarating rush of bad feeling whenever a decent opportunity
arises. This is just the kind of special fucked up bonus tip you
have come to rely on prettyfedup.com to provide, and aren't you glad
you waded through a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with you,
just so you could stumble upon it. God, you're good.
Up. This happens. It happens when
you get so scared and overwhelmed with all your unhappiness that you
just can't fucking deal with it anymore and the only fucking thing
you can think of to do to live through it, is to pretend it doesn't
exist and act as if it's actually Happiness after all. This is not
an idiotic strategy for dealing with the fact that life can suck really
bad, but god it gets hard after awhile. Because while you are pretending
it doesn't exist, your unhappiness and pain are getting bigger and
bigger and bigger and squeezing out any space you might have left
for actual Happiness which you would barely be able to recognize anyway
because you are so busy calling Unhappiness happiness that you have
completely confused yourself and don't know a goddamn thing about
your life anymore. You have gone beyond Pretty Fucked Up in which
you are just cleverly hiding unhappiness and pain from everyone else
into Really Fucked Up where you are actually hiding it from yourself
and can't find it anymore even while it is very vigorously biting
your ass. And there you are foolishly getting your ass bit in full
view of everyone else and you don't even know it. This is bad, but
it happens. It's bad for you and everyone else around you, you big
fat happiness-pretending liar, but it happens. However, be comforted
in the knowledge that when your life eases up and you are not so scared
to indulge in a little major Unhappiness, prettyfedup.com will be
here for you, ready to cheer you on and help you milk that major Unhappiness
for all it's worth. You lucky dog!
where's the rest of that goddamn alarming personality profile
for the rest of us who didn't fucking pretend to be so goddamn happy....