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Pretty Fucked Up or All Fucked Up?

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More quiz questions. Remember to start going fast!

 

Fucked Up Dimension No. 3: Duration. Answer this question to determine your Personal Fucked Up Depression Duration. Give as many answers as apply.

Quiz Question #3: When you get miserably fucking depressed and down about your life how long does it last at a time?

a) Less than an hour.

b) Less than a day.

c) A day or two.

d) About a week, more or less.

e) A couple of weeks or so. Maybe shorter, maybe longer.

f) A few months, maybe.

g) A year or more.

h) A long-ass time. Seems like an eternity.

i) Actually I think I am always miserably depressed to a certain degree.

 

Very good. Now, for your score.

a) through e) You are processing the Fucked Up Shit in your life reasonably quickly. Sometimes shorter, sometimes longer but you are processing it through. This may or may not be to your advantage, but at least you are probably glad you are not depressed for long stretches at a time, thank God. Very good. Congratulations!

f) through i) You have a lot of Fucked Up Shit to process and it is taking some time or maybe not really getting processed at all. We want to do something about that. It is reasonable and helpful to get periodically depressed, however, it is really fucking oppressive to have to be that way for a long, long time just to get through your life. Give yourself many extra bonus sympathy points if you have to deal with this. Congratulations!

Now, go back and answer the same question for Happiness. When you experience bouts of Happiness or Joy or something similar, how long does it last? Answer the first two questions for Happiness also, but no, don't go back and look. Just try to get a rough Happiness/Unhappiness Ratio along the three Dimensions. Is your Happiness more Intense than your Unhappiness or Vice Versa. How about Frequency? You will need a pencil and paper at this point or you will lose track of your score.

So write down these scoring elements: Unhappiness Intensity Score. Happiness Intensity Score. Unhappiness Frequency Score. Happiness Frequency Score. Unhappiness Duration Score. Happiness Duration Score. Very good.

Fucked Up Dimension No. 4: Location. Answer this question to determine your Personal Fucked Up Life Locations. This question is structured differently so you should have many answers. Remember to use pencil and paper!

Quiz Question #4: Divide your life into a bunch of locations or topics or elements or what the fuck have you. Like this:

1) Me. 2) Money. 3) Family of Origin (e.g., brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, etc. 4) Current Living Situation (roommates, spouse and kids, living alone, whatever. Include whether your live in a nice place or a dump or however you feel about where you live. ) 5) Love Life, Spouse, Mate, or the lack thereof. 6) Work 7) Kids. 8) Sex Life. 9) Health. 10) Success. 11) Friends and Social Life. 12) Religion or Spirituality.

Make up your own categories, but limit it to about a dozen. You might want to throw in an Artistic Outlet category if you are a creative type and nuke one of the other ones. Or a Personal Fulfillment or a Life Purpose one if you are interested in those things. A Doing Something Good for the World category. General Feelings of Smartness, Competence, Learning and so on. A Daily Irritations category. A Longings, Dreams, Hopes and Wishes Category. A Big Ambitions category. A Recreational Drugs category. A damn I wish I could get away from it all Category. Or whatever the hell you want. Just choose about a dozen darn categories because you if try to squeeze in too many you will be up all night thinking of categories and not get any sleep. On the other hand, if you have lots of time, go wild, and think up lots and lots of categories. Do whatever the hell you want, it's not like I am policing this or something.

Now go through and put an Unhappiness or Unfulfilled or Fucking Hate It or Generally Distressed Number by each category. Think bold in this part. Put large numbers by anything you hate just to impress yourself. Make your numbers as large as you can stand.

If you have any categories or locations that are the source of delirious happiness, then put a happiness number by any that apply. Make the numbers as big on this side too as you think you can get away with. Some of you are superstitious and don't want to tempt God by putting large happiness numbers anywhere - use your own judgment on that. You know your own God better than I do.

Now you have a map of your Personal Problems. With High Unhappiness Scores obviously indicating Big Problems and High Happiness scores indicating Good Things.

You should now have a piece of paper with a bunch of meaningless numbers scrawled all over it for no apparent reason. Good. Move on to question 5.

Fucked Up Dimension No. 5: Publicity. Answer this question to determine whether your problems are Pretty Fucked Up or All Fucked Up.

Quiz Question #5: Now take all your Personal Problems and decide which of them you are hiding and which you are shamelessly flaunting. The ones you are hiding are Pretty Fucked Up and the ones you are flaunting are All Fucked Up. For example, if your marriage is a Big Problem but you are bitching and whining about it to everyone you know then your marriage is All Fucked Up. If however, you are hiding the fact that you are desperately fucking worried about your financial situation then your financial situation is Pretty Fucked Up.

Things that are Pretty Fucked Up paradoxically hurt much worse than things that are All Fucked Up. So multiply anything in your life that is Pretty Fucked Up by a Pretty Fucked Up Multiplier Factor. Like, let's say, 3. Don't choose too high a number or you will get lost carrying the 1's and trying to figure out where the decimal place goes.

Now, you have a chance to score some super-duper extra-special bonus fucked up points. Look closely at your locations and categories and see if you can find any place where you are shamelessly flaunting one Personal Problem so that you can hide another one. Like let's say you made a category My Stupid Employees and you are endlessly whining about your bad employees. But in reality, you are doing this to hide the much worse Personal Problem of I Don't Fucking Know How to Run My Business, I'm Going to Be Ruined and Die, Oh God Help Me! Or you gave a huge Unhappiness Score to your parents and but you are secretly frightened that is hiding a Big Problem in the I Am Unloveable and Everyone Hates Me category. These super-hidden categories are the Really Fucked Up ones. Draw big red X's through the Really Fucked Up categories because you hate them so much. Then color in red all around your red X's until you can't even see them anymore. That should make you feel a little better.

Neutrality and Happiness often hide the Really Fucked Up categories as well but you are too tired to deal with that now, so just skip it.

Okay, time to total up your final score.

By now, you should have a whole bunch of random numbers and some red X's. Add up all these numbers to find your total score. Forget about the X's.

Your score is: -----------------

 

CONGRATULATIONS! You are FUCKED UP! You scored very well in the Pretty Fucked Up categories and were pretty damn impressive in the All Fucked Up categories as well.

You were a little wobbly in the opening question, but you picked up steam as we went along and you learned to loosen up and cheat a little better. By question No. 4, you were really cooking and totally came into your own with some unexpectedly striking red artwork in Question 5.

As Fucked Up People go, you are definitely one of the best. Now that you know how to beat the quiz, you can go back to the earlier questions and up your score for each one. You rule!

Now, if you are anxious for some personal attention, because you are just that sort of person, you can go to the next page for an alarming Personality Profile based on how you scored. Or...you can just go to bed, content in the knowledge that at least you are good at something.

Your alarming Personality Profile...

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