#1: Hi! A while ago I went through a pretty heavy break-up of a longstanding
relationship when I found out that my girlfriend had been cheating
on me. I don't want to be single my whole life so I would like to
start going out again and maybe even get another girlfriend. But I
sure don't want a repeat of my last experience. I think you could
understand why maybe I feel a little burned by women. It was a really
fucked situation by the end and she even ended up eloping with the
guy she was cheating on me with and moved out of town with him. I
guess she really couldn't stand the life we had together. The thing
is, I really trusted her up to that point and I still don't really
know why it happened. Before that things had been pretty good between
us I thought. I guess she had issues I didn't know about. Anyway,
my point is - I'm really wary and it's hard for me not to think -
well are all women like that? I mean can you trust them? I don't want
this experience to affect my next relationship because I would actually
like to get married one day. Signed, Trying Not to Be Too Bitter.
last two boyfriends cheated on me. The first one confessed pretty
quickly but the 2nd one lied to me for months. It was pretty ugly
and I was devastated for a long time. Now I'm starting to think about
dating again but I wonder is there even such a thing as a man who
can be faithful? My dad cheated on my mom so I know how common it
is. But isn't there anyone out there who can resist the impulse to
be a lying, cheating bastard? Or is it just in their genes? Seriously.
I would like to meet him if there is one. Signed, Somewhat Hopeful
but Doesn't Really Believe Men Can Be Faithful.
Worried About Cheating Lovers People! And welcome. I'm very
sorry to hear about your Cheated-on and Pretty Damn Unhappy About
It experiences. Life can be fairly hellish from time to time, can't
it? My sympathies indeed.
as you have already figured out, the gripping drama of your personal
life, impressive as it is, is not all that special. Billions
of people throughout history have been cheated on and a significant
percentage of them did not care for the experience really. But they
dealt and so you can you. In fact, we are here specifically to help
you deal - along with all those other cheated on people, male and
female, gay and straight, young and old, who happen to stumble on
this website. Because the issues that we will deal with are
applicable not only to men as well as women - but even to people who
are good-looking as well as people who are not! Unlikely
as that seems.
First we will
quickly answer your basic question as to whether there is such a thing
as a person, even a person of your favorite sex for activities of
a let's get it on nature, who can be faithful. The answer is: yeah,
there is. One of the truly alarming features of human beings
is that they come in a disturbing array of varieties. Out of the 6
billion or so people on the planet, there are men (and women) who,
once encsconced in some sort of relationship will not bother to be
unfaithful for a wide variety of reasons. They are too lazy, too tired,
too timid, too conscientious, too religious, too busy, not into sex
enough, don't have enough opportunities, can't find someone attractive
enough to cheat with, too scared, too moral, too much in love, not
sure how to go about it, don't want to, don't like people enough to
get embroiled with two of the horrible creatures at once, too unconfident,
it messes with their head, it messes with their emotions, it messes
with their chemistry; they are too rational, too focused on dealing
with that pesky terminal bone cancer issue, too clingy, not imaginative
enough, too romantic, not romantic enough, too resigned, too into
their career, got into a relationship in the first place primarily
so they wouldn't have to go through the harrowing process of seeking
sex from novel sources anymore, too into whoever it is they are with,
too sensitive, too aware of the consequences, or even some
other reason nobody else would guess. There are oodles and
boodles of these people wandering all over the planet, some of them,
of course, already locked into a relationship on which they will not
cheat (making them unavailable to you, of course). But they do exist.
people are weird. The weirdness factor will become relevant
later, but for now just make a note of it.
So that's not
too helpful is it? Yeah sure, right, there are people who can be faithful,
yeah I can intellectually accept that - but who cares because
none of them are dating me! This is what your subconscious brain
should be muttering to itself right about now.
And since I have
such deep respect and esteem for your subconcious brain, and since
you didn't really ask me to, I am now going to present a frighteningly
logical and essentially absurd plan to secure for you a reasonably
long-lasting relationship with someone who will not cheat on you.
This plan will work for anyone and, surprisingly enough,
it's actually guaranteed to produce the intended results! This, however,
will be of small comfort to you once you get a load of what's actually
entailed in implementing it. Intrigued? Of course you are.
All right, so
let's dive into our plan in an organized fashion. The first we thing
we will do is Face Reality. I know that sounds horrible,
and of course it is, but don't worry we will not do that for too long.
We are just getting it out of the way at the beginning so that we
never have to do that again. At least not on this particular subject.
In the interests
of Facing Reality so that it will not bother us again, we will start
with Basic Facts.
There are all
kinds of evolutionary reasons why sexual and emotional infidelity
pays off for the human species. Leading to the result that lots
of and lots of people are going to be unfaithful to someone during
the course of their lives. Lots and lots of people as in most
of them. And people who don't end up being unfaithful,
ever, often accomplish many of the same evolutionary objectives
by simply switching from one relationship to another. There are
certain evolutionary factors that make cheating on an existing relationship
attractive, but many of the same benefits can be achieved by serial
monogamy or simply refusing to settle into the sort of relationship
where a term like 'cheating bastard' is really relevant.
Fact #2: We do not care about Basic Fact #1.
All right, we've
started to face reality. Basic Fact #1 means the odds are
in some ways against you. Big deal. The
odds are always against anything important to you personally. The
odds against you actually being born were staggering, and yet here
you are, like it or not. 6 million sperm vied for the chance to produce
you, none of them really had a chance and yet one of them was the
lucky lottery winner. Your odds are better than a sperm's by far.
And the important thing is not the odds, but whether or not something
is actually possible. The odds of a particular person going
down in a spectacular plane crash are relatively small, but try telling
that to to the hunk of charred flesh pulled from the burning wreckage
by fatigued rescue workers! Okay, now that we've cheered
you up with the burning flesh image and distracted your troubled mind
from the horrors of your previous lovers, let's get back to the subject
at hand. We've proven above that faithful people do exist, due to
the fact that a significant percentage of the people on the planet
at any given time are weird, so we know it is physically possible
for you to find and mate with one.
should you choose to accept it, is to find someone suitably weird
and beat the odds. This business of weirdness and beating
the odds and so on is crucial to our strategy. Two of the major keys
to a happy and fulfilled life are a) beating the odds and b) securing
the companionship of weird people. Normal people have a wide variety
of undesirable traits and there will be times, in your search for
happiness, where you will just really not fucking want to deal with
certain of the undesirable traits of normal people. You will need
to find someone unusual enough to not display the normal undesirable
trait you have become used to so that you can be much much happier
when you don't have to deal with it anymore! Make sense? Of course
In our search
for happiness, we must often pick and choose what unusual and yet
desirable trait we are going to seek and then pursue it with relentless
and dogged determination. This is exactly what finding a non-cheating
lover is all about! This is very exciting and means that maybe
securing a better class of lover is a go project for securing happiness
Or maybe not.
Because, in our ruthlessly organized and logical plan for getting
you hooked up on a semi-permanent basis with someone who will not
cheat on you, the 2nd component of Facing Reality is deciding whether
the hell we want to accept the mission in the first place. Maybe we
don't. Because we don't actually have to. Most people don't really.
There are other options.
Point. Sometimes you will go ahead and embark on a mission
without deciding first whether you choose to accept it and sometimes
that mission will get completed even if more or less against your
will - such as when you find yourself 6 months pregnant and you haven't
really decided what to do. Chances are fairly strong that
what you will do, like it or not, is give birth in about 3 months.
But in many cases, it is helpful to decide whether or not to accept
a particular mission because missions, like many other things, turn
out to be real pain in the ass about halfway through. And when that
happens, it's good to know, oh okay, I'm on a mission, I expected
this, boy will I be glad when I'm done.
So let's just
go ahead and go through the motions of deciding whether or not this
is a mission worth accepting. We'll do this on the next page wherein
we Review Our Options And Decide Whether We Can Live With
Them and Maybe We Just Don't Care That Much Really About the Cheating
Problem Anyway Now That We Have Thought About It and Realized That
Maybe We Don't Want to Do Anything About It After All.
But first, let's
take a refreshing break to whine! Like
I really have to review my options? Can't I just find one of those
weird people who will be faithful to me forever and ever and skip
everything else? Probably not, huh? Because I'm one of those people,
one of those horribly unlucky and essentially defective people that
always gets betrayed and I am doomed to be cheated on my whole life
by my favorite sex for let's get it on type activities. Right, right?
Admit it, that's the truth isn't it, webmistress? Just go ahead
and nuke the bullshit about a magical plan for finding a faithful
lover and tell me the truth!! I'm doomed!!!!
that was restorative now wasn't it? Now that we have that out of the
way, let's just click on the link below in a resigned and yet semi-relaxed
manner. Very good.
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